Lost and Found…

It’s November. The 85^th month in this unending year, and things are looking up…

As the days are warming, and the lockdown has mostly eased, we finally have something to smile about.

So, how are you doing?

I’ve been a little MIA, but there is definitely stuff to report.

I sold my investment property.

I bought my forever home.

I finally got officially divorced…

Like I said, it’s been a big year.

Let me start by saying that Lockdown 2.0 basically wiped me off the grid.

I lost my creative streak – no painting, no writing, no baking Instagram-worthy delectables.

Even this feels a little forced.

But I am here.

I’m giving it a red hot go, because somethings got to give.

I’m tired all the time, and I have never been so unhealthy.

When I walked into 2020, I did so with a real sense of self. It felt like the kind of self-confidence reserved for the Michelle Obama types of this world.

I had hit my sweet spot – the “having it all” that as women, we are told not to hope for.

Then the world pressed pause and it all went away.

The universe took my life, put it in a box, put the box on a shelf just out of reach, and said, “Don’t worry – you can have it back later.”

And because, we were “all in this together,” we got to have guilt about feeling all the feels.

Lockdown 2.0 never felt like the togetherness of the first lockdown.

It was every man for himself, and it sucked!

My girl pushed through with home-schooling, and that sucked too.

The boy went back to raging against the machine. 4-year-olds are not built for isolation.

And my partner kept on going to work, as though not a lot had changed at all.

We had our health and were safe, but the suckiness didn’t suck any less.

When everything gets stripped away, one tends to take stock of life.

So, I took stock.

I had meltdowns, and tantrums.

I ate all the food.

I hated myself.

I hated everything.

I found the bottom of life’s metaphorical well, and I set up shop.

And I cried bucket-loads.

Then, I actually took stock.

I had good things happening.

We decided to sell our investment property. The tenants wanted to buy it, and it went as easily as these types of things tend to go.

Then we bought a house – because online shopping in 2020 is an extreme sport!

We took a leap. A giant tree-changing, sight unseen, house buying leap!

And because the year wasn’t quite strange enough, I decided to finally pull the trigger on divorcing my ex. Separated for almost 9 years, and had just never ticked that final box.

It really is amazing what can be done online these days!

We’ve all lost so much this year, but let’s talk about what we found?

I found the courage to ask for help.

I found out, that if I just stop trying to control everything, the world will keep on spinning.

I found that even though my life is in a box, on a shelf that I can’t quite reach, it’s still my life. I earned it. I deserve it. I love it!

I’m so happy, that it really doesn’t matter that I’m also pretty miserable, because this will pass. And when it does, I’ve levelled up!

We are moving to the country.

I love my job.

I love my friends.

And my family is just so damn wonderful.

My partner and I only did 5 weeks of hard lockdown together, but we thrived. He’s my person, and I’m so bloody grateful for him! I like him and I love him.

My kids are resilient and while I’ll happily admit, that we could use a timeout from each other, I’m thankful for the experience we shared this year.

We appreciate the little things so much more than ever before.

How wonderful to walk along the beach, or stop at your favourite café for coffee in a glass?!

How marvellous to drive up the freeway, with the freedom to visit loved ones.

Am I glad Kmart is open? Sure, but I actually got by without it.

We might have lost life as we knew it, but we’ve found a new normal. One where it’s ok to press pause on all life’s chaos, and just be still.

It is only when we are still, that we can truly see what we have.

Melissa Longo